A Ticking Clock

It’s been over a year since I’ve heard an internal clock ticking. It was about this time last year we learned Scarlett was coming. Prior to that it haunted me. 32 and single. How will I ever have kids? Then it got stronger at 36 when I was happily married and encountered two miscarriages. “Will I ever bear children?” I wondered…

As I write this I am holding Scarlett in my arms as she quietly sleeps during a rainy afternoon. 

This is perfection. This is one of the many moments I’ve dreamt about as long as I’ve longed for a child. As I sit in this chair, I also think of how many tears I’ve shed, longing to feel the way I do now. Life is truly a journey and not a destination. It took time, and a little Zoloft, to bring me to this euphoria. I’ll never go back.

However, a new clock is starting to tick. I go back to work next week. I can’t believe we’re at this point. I remember longing for it and now I dread it. I guess time has a way of doing that. 

I will hold onto this moment forever. I pray there are more to come.


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